“Whenever the guy I’m dating would get stressed, I’d freak out and start demanding to know why he wouldn’t talk to me,” explains Maria Fontoura, 29, of New Jersey.“That only made him withdraw further, and me even more neurotic.” Remember, it’s not all about you.
Friends or family will listen to your daily issues for the time being, thereby giving your date the space he needs to deal with his difficulties and come back as caring as ever.
If your guy isn’t willing to open up to you, then it’s a safe bet he doesn’t want his crisis shared with anyone else, even if that means keeping his troubles a secret from friends or family.
You should never feel bad about discussing something as serious as a sick relative, but you should probably avoid talking about the annoying girl at work who commented on your messy desk.
“This is clearly a time to have other resources that you can turn to,” explains Ellenberg.
Daniel Ellenberg, a therapist and business coach in San Francisco who’s studied the relationship skills of males.
“So to cope, they either withdraw, become more aggressive, or in certain cases, both.” That doesn’t describe an easy person to deal with, so what’s a woman to do if she’s dating a way-stressed guy?
“All men are different, and as a result they all give off different cues and clues,” says Dr. If he goes from telling you about his day at work to avoiding the subject as much as possible, that’s a sign.
If he starts debating whether he really needs that CD or t-shirt when he would normally just buy it, then money could very well on his mind.
“If a woman wants me to open up, she should offer an opposing opinion on whatever she thinks is bothering me,” he explains.
“She could say ‘Seems like you and your new boss are getting along.’ I’ll almost always take the bait and start talking.” The problem is, knowing why he’s frustrated isn’t easy without ESP.
Here’s advice from experts and real guys about what works.