It’s Creep Week 2014: like Shark Week, except during Shark Week everyone is actually rooting for the And today, I’m going to piss a lot of you off.
I’m going to piss a lot of you off and I’m going to do it deliberately. More often than not the problem isn’t about being socially awkward, it’s about pushing boundaries; claiming that being socially awkward – or defending someone on the grounds that they’re just awkward – means that we shouldn’t be so hard on them becomes about excusing their behavior and helping them put pressure on women to tolerate that behavior.
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After three hours of no response he prods at her again, then yet again on 2/19.
The lack of response and engagement is what’s known as a “soft no”; a way of indicating a lack of interest without a direct refusal.
All too often, we hear that someone who’s socially awkward should get a pass because, hey, he doesn’t know that he’s doing something wrong! Sure, he stands too close, ignores signs that people don’t want to talk to him, keeps trying to give women massages and says incredibly inappropriate things to women at the drop of a hat… He just doesn’t know any better,” or “Hey, he’s a nice guy! Let’s run down just what makes someone creepy again: That second one is incredibly important and forms a critical distinction: creepers and predators will frequently push against people’s boundaries in order to see what they can get away with.
When they get caught, they’ll often claim to be “socially awkward” as a way of deflecting responsibility for their actions and – more importantly – putting pressure on their target to Someone who is socially awkward, on the other hand, is someone who has issues with basic social skills.
This is something that men socialized to be considerate of other people’s feelings – even at the expense of their own – and face greater pressure to offer a “soft no” rather than a direct refusal, as a way of sparing the feelings of others.
Now, often when dealing with stories about why this woman or the other didn’t “tell him no”, we will see people say that it’s impossible for a guy to realize he’s being refused because she didn’t say the magic words.More often than not, someone who is socially awkward has poor social calibration; they may make people uncomfortable because their behavior feels it might be that they’re dangerous or there’s a hazard the rest of us haven’t noticed, but that “off” behavior is going to make us instinctively look for a threat.But being anxious or socially clumsy or inexperienced A socially awkward person frequently realizes that they fucked up almost as soon as the words are out of their mouth and will often freeze up or try to verbally backpedal; a creeper who is using “socially awkward” as an excuse on the other hand, will wield their supposed infraction against the other person as proof that they didn’t do anything wrong… In fact, we have an excellent example of this behavior. The Hot Topic Clerk” hit the popular image sharing site Imgur and rocketed across blogs and tumblrs into Internet legend.Having an aversion to people who trip up against their boundaries is important because predators use boundary testing to see what they can get away with.It’s how they pick their victims – looking for people who can be pressured into going along to get along, who have a harder time making a strong objection because of the possibility that “it was an honest mistake” or because the predators are skilled at using plausible deniability to convince others to persuade their target that no, he was just being friendly!In fact, returning to the story of Fedora Beard, we see this in the commentary on the blogs that reported the story – she didn’t say “go away”, therefore how could he have known he was unwelcome? This is creepy behavior being excused as “socially awkward”. Can you imagine why this argument isn’t going to go over well with women? He may have said things that are creepy, violated her personal space, followed her when she was trying to leave the conversation and otherwise ignored signs that she was uncomfortable…