As the night progressed I became more aggressive and determined to go through with my plan.Conquering him was never it but it did play an important role. His history as a sexual deviant worked in my favor. No matter how pathetic it was, no matter how disconnected we could have been – it was sex.
The thorny stems of my thought had pierced through. In that moment I thought I was crying because I had betrayed my ex-boyfriend.
As I drove home, numb from the alcohol, my actions, and the escape of love from my body, I began to cry. And his pain is something that I’m sincerely sorry for but it took me a spiral of destruction to finally see the light.
By this point I would return to my normal self and celebrate my proactive attitude – my perfect scores on tests, the goal of losing 10 pounds, saving up to buy a $300 wallet, not cry.
A few weeks ago I finished my first academic year of teaching Oral English at a university in the Middle Kingdom.
The alcohol had turned the dial on their confidence because apparently they were the belles of the ball. So good-looking and fun that the only suitable conquests were each other. On the verge of another breakup with the man I had been dating for the past year and a half.
And so they drove the party back to my friend’s place and did just that. My experience was an endless loop of arguments and “talks.” We had figured out a million was to say that we loved each other but nothing had changed.On the whole they don’t go to parties, certainly not the type of parties I went to in my teens.Most of them don’t seem to have had the time to just hang around and do stupid stuff, they’ve been too busy at school and then kept at home with Mum and Dad.As soon as you walk into a classroom here you start to notice a few things. Part of my start-of-the-semester spiel is about how I expect them to be adults, to talk to me if there’s a problem, to be responsible for their work, to borrow a pen if they’ve forgotten one instead of just sitting there.One of the most obvious is that boys and girls sit apart. But I still find myself referring to them as ‘boys’ and ‘girls’.And it’s not just because a lot of them look so young.