she would be sitting at home on saturday night hanging out with her family or doing nothing, rather than getting slutted up for a night of Clubbing and Dancing and Casual Sex with a bunch of other Sluts seducing scumbag guys. write down five special things they did for you, or five special times in the relship well near the end, she stopped really DOING ANYTHING for me, and the only benefit were my own internal feelings of luv. for the past 5 months at least, she was AVOIDING me in any way she could. she was stuck in the past grieving for things/people she could not change. but it would be kind of hard to find a woman who doesnt have a few skeletons in the closet, be it cheating, or abandoning a person, or having open rels, or doing this particular thing. just avoiding or ignoring a situation, pretending it never existed, deleting them entirely, that kind of thing. i dont like the idea and i thought for sure i could never come to like someone, AFTER they told me something like that. that she jumped so soon into a new rel with a new boifran, and kinda kept it secret from me, but told other people. cuz she obviously doesnt know whats best for her any more. that she was terrible about communicating to her beta orbiter in 2013 that she had a boifran and was not interested. i was like a HAWK looking for warning signs cuz i can see warning signs a mile off. but she seemed to overcome the risk factors and be a decent person. i am so critical, i think EVERYTHING is a warning sign.
she helped me out with getting medical herbal supplements hahahaha very quickly and reliably hahahaha. the good shit was not worth all the bad shit that happened later. avoiding hang outs, talking, communicating, inviting me to things she might have invited me to in the past, making any effort to make me feel valued. she was once nice and kind and warm and made an effort; then she TOOK THAT AWAY and just didnt care about me any more. she was always on the defensive so you were always the bad guy for wanting to talk to her. make a list of all the positive quals that turned into neg quals for me over time. but i thought that jsut because we were Good Friends, she would always communicate stuff to me. so, its hard for me to recognize ACTUAL warning signs.
it was something i have always been missing in my life and i thought i finally found the One to have a special rel with. write down all the traits that you liked and were important to you. took her relships seriously and did not seem to throw people away like forgotten garbage hahahaha did not have casual sex or treat sex casually she didnt have any children she was young, ie under 25 hahaha she did not take the pill, i dont think, and i prefer women who dont take the pill. focus on aspects of ex you really disliked and wanted to change. i was shocked she could be so out of character and change so much. in fact, we became friends when i was kinda emotionally unavailable.
the closest thing id had to a Special Rel in many years. that at one time i was a pretty special friend to her, i was in her Inner Circle, she trusted me, she liked me more than any woman had liked me in years, even without being Romantic, just liking a person in general. cuz you compare the shitty current situation to the good old days. that she accepted me for who i was that we shared values and way of looking at world and were like “two peas in a pod” she was really nice, a nice, warm, caring, loving, kind, gentle person, and i liked being treated that way. oh yeah wanted to make sure i included that part about the pill. i liked that she was interested in conspiracies and “red pill” sort of stuff and standing apart from the mainstream sheeple. that she was horrible about communicating with me and avoided talking or dealing with anything that she was more friendly to everyone else than me! i wanted her to show more respect to our long and good friendship. from someone i knew and liked, to someone i didnt know and was a evil alter ego. she did something fairly immoral a few years ago that was not cheating, i will not go into detail here, but it was a thing i found pretty controversial, but accepted it as part of her life. when i became available, and she became available, thats when problems started!
when we went to the park in july 2014 and she said i was a good friend and at that time i felt like she might like me and i felt ambivalent and awakwrd and this turned into my biggest regret, that i should have taken that oportunity to make out with her or at least talk about feelings right then and there. well other than my one male work friend knew of her. i wish i had never met her and had never gone through this pain, even if thru the pain i am growing as a person. its not a what doesnt kill you makes you stronger thing, it feels like a what doesnt kill you just fooking destroys and devastates and makes you WEAKER. eats away at you and makes you half the man you used to be. this was prob because i was sending signals i had feelings, and she could not handle that like an adult hahahaha. she portrayed herself as a helpless victim with the sad horrible life. eg they were neat and clean but this turned out to be OCD or they nagged you for being a slob (all these examples are given by the book, not me.) uhhh not sure. like i am so overly critical, i’m gonna have to accept some imperfection of course.
going to dinner in aug 2014 and it seemed nicer than the other times we went to dinner, prob because i was right on the cusp of liking her going to fun concert in sept 2014, that kinda sealed the deal and i was very very close to the Big Change went to her house in feb 2014 when she was still with long term boifran. make a list of things i liked abotu them, that friends and family did not like. did i try to make excuses or explanations for the behavior? but he never talked to her, never knew how i felt until it was all over. overally, in the end, ultimately, the relationship was net bad, not net good. i got jealous when she turned off her good qualities for me, and showed them to other people. think back to beginning of rel and make list of all the warnign signs. but will i be happy to make that compromise, or bitter?
Set the best example you can and spend time and energy on people who lift you higher.
And remember, somewhere there’s someone out there who thinks YOU need to change!
My boyfriend is not a planner – it’s just not his way. I would constantly argue the importance of planning – that if you failed to plan, you planned to fail.
You have two choices – learn to live with the behavior or change your relationship to the person.
had fun just peacefully being around her, spending time never felt rushed or judged sense of “two peas in a pod”, sense of shared values, well this might be more about her than the relship per se. i never thought i could do this, it had never happened before. that she stuck in bad rels longer than she should have?
sense of being understood being cared for and liked the connection, again prob overestimated in my mind see a lot of these might be more HER than the relship. in the future i think this would be the ideal way to start a rel, to be friends first. she was capable of a long term rel and her first boifran was a long term rel that lasted for 4-5 years of her youth when she could have been out slutting it up she did not like other girls for being phony and dramatic and stupid she liked good music we had a lot in common with our values. if anything i liked that because it meant she was loyal and willing to work on shit. that she chose men who were distant or not really in luv with her?
either female friend drifted away from this person too, or if not, told them what a psycho i was. i thought about emailing this person just to say “we had a big falling out” and also to defend myself. i was about to finally inviting her out to come meet my friends and family……she never wanted to hang out by that point. oh lord this is gonna make me sound like the bad guy., a horrible racist. i mean i dont care if my friends date out of their race, as long as the person treats them well. that she hid the boifran from me when she told others. ////////////////////////////////////////// all the things you will miss about your ex and the relship::: she is a decent person and i really luved her. i was way closer to her, than i was to those sluts.