When I give talks on how to make wise decisions about love relationships, the burning question that someone almost always asks is, “How long do I have to wait?
Average time from dating to marriage
A military combat deployment is one of the most emotionally super-charged environments imaginable. The threat of loss of the other boosts attraction considerably for both partners.
Lack of access to each other, paired with short-lived reunions during R & R weekends, fuels unrealistic fantasies of the true potential of the relationship.
Extending the courtship period in all cases will progressively minimize your relative risk of developing lasting regrets down the line.
Getting married is described as a leap of faith for a reason, but when you wait a significant length of time before you “make it official,” the leap is not nearly so great. Sure, a handful of marriages might thrive after short courtships, but for every one of these examples, a much greater number end in divorce. “Delay of Gratification in Children.” Science, 244, 933-938.
They have no idea if they are sexually compatible or not.
They are flying as sexually blind as they would have if they'd gotten married two months into their courtship.
Real compatibility is hard to assess based on limited opportunities for interaction.
The fantasy script of the stateside partner incorporates the potent thought, “My partner is a hero,” and all sorts of positive traits are then linked to this global perception.
I got hitched almost 40 years ago and nobody then waited for marriage or an engagement to start boinking - we didn't wait a week - so I can't imagine anyone's waiting now. I waited two years before I got married and it lasted 5 months. Provide the actual statistics when you reference them, because this just sounds like a bunch of cultural bias when you take into consideration that arranged marriages can and do work in the East.
I think the wait is to ensure compatibility in realms beyond the bedroom. Where is YOUR statistical proof that arranged marriages can and do work?
To this question, I respond that most of the things that are worth achieving in life require us to delay gratification and to prioritize restraint over indulgence in more primitive drives.