I wonder if this explains why the Spanish word esposas means both “wives” and “handcuffs”?But, of course, pointing out that not rushing into a pre-mature commitment is very difficult when we’re in love doesn’t really address the question at hand—that is, how long is it until the cocaine-rush of initial infatuation wears off and you can make a good decision?
As I write this, I’m imagining that some readers may be thinking, “Three years? ” To this, I would say, a lengthy courtship would be wise any time three years (or more) have passed but you still know relatively little about each other.
For example, consider the case of a courtship that has played out during multiple successive military deployments.
Extending the courtship period in all cases will progressively minimize your relative risk of developing lasting regrets down the line.
Getting married is described as a leap of faith for a reason, but when you wait a significant length of time before you “make it official,” the leap is not nearly so great. Sure, a handful of marriages might thrive after short courtships, but for every one of these examples, a much greater number end in divorce. “Delay of Gratification in Children.” Science, 244, 933-938.
In each audience that I’ve spoken to about marital decision-making, there is almost always someone who raises a hand and says, “My parents fell in love and got married a month later, and they’ve been completely happy together for the last 50 years.” The core of this statement is an assertion that lifelong happy marriages are possible with very short courtships. So, in all cases, if we were to honestly weigh the emotional, psychological, and financial costs of a bad decision, wouldn’t wisdom in all cases suggest a relatively long courtship? This is good advice, but I think it's pointless unless you counsel couples to start having sex after a reasonable time of couple-dom, say, six months.
If couples wait to have sex until they are married, and wait two years to get married, they have no idea how they will after the initial glow of sex wears off.
I have MS - he is a Carer..once I am not having to feel like a misfit because of my dietary or physical constraints.
He works hard and we see each other sometimes twice a week because he is as serious as I am.
When I give talks on how to make wise decisions about love relationships, the burning question that someone almost always asks is, “How long do I have to wait?
” The phrasing of this question illustrates the fact that waiting can feel like working against the tide of biology and the romantic rush of falling in love and making it official.
Real compatibility is hard to assess based on limited opportunities for interaction.